What have you lost?

Many people believe that sadness and grief happen only when someone in our life dies, and that its not possible to feel “This bad” over day to day troubles.

The truth here is grief is a natural response to any loss we experience and yes, especially a death. However grief also happens when something big changes. A divorce or a breakup, A miscarriage, Loss of a pet, The seperation of a friendship, Selling your family home, Financial instablity, Retirement, Loss of health or a loved ones health, Age. etc. As you can see there are many instances that can cause us to “spiral” (as a client describes it.)

Everyone is effected by grief differently, it is a highly personal and individual experience and how you grieve depends on many factors,  including your personality and how you cope, Life experiences up to this point, your faith, and of course the nature of the loss.

Remember that grieving TAKES TIME, it can not be forced and there isn’t a TIMETABLE to be NORMAL. Be patient and kind to yourself. Try not to ignore it, being STRONG has a huge stigma. You are your own person and deserve the space healing requires.

Boundaries

This topic comes up in so many areas of my practise, and because we all have many different relationships we all end up struggling with some form of healthy boundary keeping. I think it’s very common to struggle with these issues in today’s world. Life teaches us at a very young age how to be “Appropriate”, what is considered “Rude”, what is “Safe”, and could voicing our true feelings or behaving a certain way cause someone “Discomfort” and is that really “Nice”?

I have seen many parents make excuses for their innocent children’s lack of filter, when really I am a true believer that children know things and what feels right or wrong can and should be talked about. I am interested in what happens in those moments of “silence” and what happens when you “keep your mouth shut” or carry on because “they won’t understand” Or ” I wouldn’t want to get into any more trouble”.

Boundaries are your values, and are usually acceptable and consistant with others around you. Setting proper “Healthy” boundaries is a skill that takes time, and can be very uncomfortable when met with some resistance from others you are close to.

Lets talk about physical boundaries, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material and time boundaries. Think of a person you struggle to set healthy boundaries with, are your boundaries too rigid (do you keep this person at a distance) or too porous (you open up too much) Or is there some other problem that isn’t too easily explained? What would it be like to begin to have healthy boundaries with this person?

I look forward and welcome your feedback.

Warm Regards

Marty-Leigh Neufeld

Complete Presence Counselling